德柯丽《小驯鹿的故事》

A Story of the Little Reindeer

Dekorli, Ewenki, born in February 1972 in Aoluguya Ewenki Township, Genhe City, Hulunbeier, Inner Mongolia, member of Inner Mongolia Writers Association, member of Chinese Minority Writers Association, main works: The Story of Little Reindeer, My Northern Sad Forest, Basha Ewo and Reindeer Story, Looking for the Grassland in Legends, etc.

A baby deer born in August is a rare thing, and perhaps this phenomenon that goes against the rules has already predetermined the fate of this little deer. Moreover, its mother was a one-year-old deer who was not yet an adult. Perhaps it didn't even know what the wet, fuzzy little creature with the afterbirth in front of it was. This light brown, wet little creature tried to stand up on its thin branch-like legs and bleated as it walked towards its mother. The young mother was terrified and wanted to escape the responsibility that was coming her way. Perhaps it smelled a smell left behind by humans or other deer on the baby deer, and it turned away from the wrinkled mouth of the little creature in disgust and ran away. The little deer was left alone, calling out loudly in the deer herd. But the young mother watched her child stumble from a distance without making any response.

The baby deer in the herd were all born in April and May, much bigger than this little deer. When winter came, they could withstand the cold of 52 degrees north latitude, but this little deer could not. The baby deer in the herd could always distinguish their child's voice from the others, and they called out and ran towards their child. The little deer could also recognise its mother's voice among the many voices. The mother and child reunion scene in the smoky jungle was beautiful.

But the mother who abandoned her child ran away from her child's voice and foraged for moss by herself. Perhaps a young and inexperienced mother deer could not guarantee her survival, nor could she ensure the survival of a weaker life in nature. She would instead let her child die in a chaotic state without consciousness than see the young life suffer because of her weakness. The rules of nature are cruel, and only the strong can survive.

Mother told me that female reindeer always abandon their first-born calf, and the calf either starves to death or is fed by humans. Thus, the female reindeer gain experience and become a true mother. It is said that in the past, after the female reindeer abandoned their calves, the Ewenki women would often sing in front of them until they gave birth to maternal love and accepted their children. But that was a long time ago.

Then, they had to take the reindeer with them to another place with lush moss and abundant mountain springs, which was beneficial for the healthy growth of the young reindeer. As autumn had already come, the long winter was gradually approaching.

Ewo was probably over ninety years old at that time. She could not remember how old she was. She inherited more than sixty or seventy reindeer from her parents. Ewo was my second aunt. In the Ewenki language, "Ewo" means grandmother and has the meaning of "root", which is the most honourable title in the clan. We all call the second aunt Ewo, not only because she was much older than my mother, who was forty or fifty years old, but also because of her prestige in the family. She lived alone, helped her parents raise more than ten younger brothers and sisters, and raised the reindeer left by her parents. Now, she is in her twilight years, sometimes confused and clear-headed. She often wears very little when it is freezing and wears a lot when it is hot. She has severe bronchitis and pneumonia and usually gets sick. My mother has repeatedly instructed, but Ewo still lives according to her lifestyle. Every time she gets sick, my mother complains angrily: "She is so bad; she just wants to make trouble for me; she is intentional." The stubbornness of Ewo when she was young disappeared in her gradually withered body. Like many older adults, she walks with the compassion that people's eyes show. But I still feel that Ewo seems sensitively making contradictory resistance and struggle in this compassion. She was afraid of other people's pity, worried that she was powerless to live when she was old, but she was also scared of being insignificant in the crowd. She lingered, and the only thing that could support her soul was the dozens of reindeer in the jungle that belonged to her. She said she wanted to live a life of following the reindeer to graze and live in the moss until the day her life disappeared.

She no longer had the energy to tease the abandoned fawn like she used to do with babies. But she still called it "Xiwen", which means "sun" in Ewenki. Ewo carried her back to the tent, putting her on a bed of fresh branches and soft deer skin. The fawn Xiwen was scared and curled up. Ewo scolded Xiwen's mother while feeding her with the milk squeezed by Amu.

The fawn came to our house on a Sunday afternoon in August. The rain pouring for days had stopped, and the northern forest was cold and humid, making the trees denser. The long-awaited sunshine shone brightly on the ground, and the air was calm and gentle near dusk.

The first few hours after arriving home, the fawn timidly looked around the unfamiliar environment. Its pure, deep blue eyes were frightened and alert, and the soft light of the setting sun was shaking gently on its light brown soft fur. The four diamond-shaped hooves were not used for the hardness and smoothness of the floor. Any slight movement would make it fall. It was so scared that it dared not move.

The deer is gentle and sensitive. As a nation that raises deer, the Evenki people have many similarities with deer in temperament; they are gentle and sensitive. I remembered what the director of the documentary "Oh Deer! Our Deer" said: "The inner similarity of the deer nation's character: primitive natural vitality, kind and romantic nature, longing for freedom and destiny inseparable from the forest... Deer are the elves of the nation's spiritual manifestation, and they are the concrete of their traditional culture." But most importantly, the Evenki people and deer have a sense of awe for nature and gods. Maybe this survival philosophy can coexist harmoniously in the frozen land.

The little fawn grew up like a spoiled and pampered child. On closer inspection, two round black spots had faintly appeared on its head, shimmering with a very soft light. It was about to grow its soft and tender antlers, and I imagined and hoped it would grow into a tall and robust stag with beautiful antlers running in the forest in a year or two. In the autumn, it would use its antlers to defeat all the stags and win the most beautiful doe's love, becoming the herd's god deer.

But it did not live as I had imagined for its future. A month later, it fell ill. I don't know if it was due to leaving the forest or being born at an inappropriate time, destined to be a short-lived creature. The Ewenki people regarded such a life as a god deer. Its life was fragile and beautiful, and there must be life and death in the laws of nature because death brings more vigorous life to continue to reproduce.

The little fawn still died on a bright morning. After waking up, it opened its eyes and looked at the world with infinite nostalgia. Soon, those eyes closed forever.

My younger brother gently picked it up. It was like a thin child sleeping, with its head still in his arm. He carried it into the yard and put it on the ground. The puppy walked up to it sadly, licking its face with a wet tongue. For the next few days, the puppy seemed to know that it had lost its family forever. It was quiet and still, not barking and running around like before.

Several years have passed, and I have gradually forgotten the little fawn. One day, my second aunt returned and talked about the unfortunate little fawn and said that its mother had given birth to a tiny fawn with beautiful patterns on its body the second year. She was like a mother this time, always trying to protect her child. I wonder if she can still remember her first child!

The only thing the little fawn left in this world was a grey and dim photo in the album. In the poor-quality image, the little fawn twisted its head, staring at the camera in fear, with its mother's shirt corner in its mouth and its mother scolding and laughing. The fawn was struggling to kick on the wooden floor as if it had not yet adapted to the hardness and smoothness of the floor, as if the da-da-da sound was ringing...